The Disco Cat. Ninjamuffin's first game on Newgrounds (or as ProsciuttoMan called it: 'the original Friday Night Funkin''

I came back to reclaim my #1 spot on the scoreboard. Try to top that!

Yours truly

The 100,000th Follower

d0nt b0ther with teh c0mm3ntz, im 2 l33t 4 that.

Now what's next on my game hitlist?

For some reason, scouting privileges were revoked. Thank you @GreenMonsterJes for putting me back in there.

Also, I'm keeping track of every artist I scouted prior, so you or I don't forget.

@AngelStarFuture311

@summerskoo (Olskoo)

@DJGreenJes (scouted me back)

@r4godofsun

@RealChtoto

@JOEYTHEMARILLFAN

@chris-the-stick (BB10)

@PinClock

@topcatyo

@AnonymousFrogClock (my own alt)

And 4 others I already forgot.

EDIT: Lost them again. How does this keep happening? I haven't scouted anyone new yet!

It's hard to keep track which accounts I own here. May have forgotten the emails to some.

NOTE: As of the end of Dec 2023, all alts are locked to prevent "Jim Melon' getting a hold of them. I'm working towards getting them all secured moving forward into 2024.

Last updated August 13th 2021

@Anonymous-Frog: Primary account

@Beggenrun: Brand account (inactive)

@TankmanTriweekly: Newspaper

@AnonymousFrogClock: Clock account (movies)

@BeepboxClock: Clock account (audio)

@DeleteClock: Clock account (games, rarely active)

@RutabagaClock: Clock account (art, rarely active)

@ButtChamber: The NG Rumble 'Piconjo' (inactive)

@LegendaryAnonFrog: The account you shouldn't follow or you get blocked (rarely active).

@NMDC: Defunct anti spam/Doobus group.

Finally posting a new update in months. Here's what I'm currently working on.

Little Hatchet

I'm working with longtime web programmer @Erik on Little Hatchet, a game for Figburn's July Game Jam. The theme is 'Egg'.

Our unborn protagonist must roll through a large labyrinth-like barnhouse in order to escape from a corrupt, inhumane farmer.

This will be the first serious game project I'll be making and first time collaborating on a game.

We're each going to do what we're good at. Erik is programming the thing, while I'm doing the art, music, and level design.

So far, no major programming was done yet. While we started as soon as the theme was announced, Erik was on holiday and couldn't do much work besides a basic tile editor.

To give you an idea of what we're going for, here's a screenshot of an empty room using the tiles I created.

And speaking of music, listen to the soundtrack here:

Erik returned to Newgrounds after 3+ years of development on the Happy Wheels-inspired JollyWorld, which I have supported for at least 8 months, from making high-quality levels (and a few joke ones), to moderating the Discord server. I also created and hosted a massive collaboration where 10 people made a level together. In fact, my time with JollyWorld was how Erik and I met.

Tankman Triweekly

I've moved Tankman Triweekly to its own account. Go follow @TankmanTriweekly for new issues spread around the week. Or month.

NO 5: Figs Burn, Prunes Jam

'God I love this so much! Please never stop!'

@The-Great-One

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Oops, I used the wrong title. It's not even Monday.

@Anonymous-Frog

Top Story: 'I RAN OUT OF WEEKS!' DOOBUS GOOBUS FRIDAY NIGHT HUNKIN ON TEMPORARY HIATUS

The Friday Night Hunkin' creator @Doobus-Goobus has stated yesterday that he won't be continuing the Friday Night Funkin' parody due to already being up to date. "I'm already up to date with FNH. I ran out of weeks.", the 20-something year old animator said to Tankman Triweekly.

Originally scheduled for July 21st, Week 7 of Hunkin' was leaked yesterday and it was exactly what people expected, the hunky Boyfriend going up against the Tankman, just like in the original game.

Fans have speculated if Doobus will make Hunkin' spinoffs featuring popular FNF mods such as Whitty or Tricky the Clown, but he has yet to comment on them. He has however decided to focus on making miscellaneous videos featuring his signature broccoli avatar, as well as spending more time with his son Gilgamesh.

THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO WINNING FIGBURN'S JULY GAME JAM

The theme for @Figburn's game jam has just been announced today, which means if you want to win, it's best you follow this advice NOW.

You will need:

• 10 monkeys
• 10 computers, each with game development software installed.
• 10 desks

Instructions:

Step 1: Set up an office with all your computers and desks

Step 2: Place the monkeys on each desk.

Step 3: Have the monkeys hit keys on their computers

With nine days until the end of the jam, you will have a game that plays just as good as whatever @ZabuJard does in half a day.

For better results, use more monkeys.

RED BALL SAVED FROM BANKRUPTCY

Paid placement

The star of many Jazzuo games went through some hard times. He hasn't appeared in a video game in years, unemployed long before the COVID-19 pandemic. Then the unemployment cheques he was relying on stopped coming in. It also didn't help that he loved playing at casinos. Eventually, he was unable to pay rent and was about to live on the streets homeless. That was, until a job offer came in from @8BitAnt of all people. He had learned all about Red Ball and his legacy and wanted him to star in a fan-game inspired by the ones from his heyday.

That game was.... Money Man, based off a true story (or that's what the media says)

When interviewed about his resurrected success, Red Ball had this to say:

"It was a miracle! One moment I'm a poor bum who gambled away all my money, and then I'm starring in my first big major role since the good ol' days where you don't have to worry about copyright infringement online. Thank you Mr. Ant"

Money Man was played 15,000 times, won the Daily Feature, and got frontpaged as of July 16th 2021.

@somefatfuck5. Please be responsible and take care of your accounts. Always remember the email and password attached to your account or it will get lost.

@beenibroh. Cancelled so many mega-projects, the only thing he can't cancel is anyone on Twitter.

If the Tank Tribune can feature my audio, I see no reason why Tankman Triweekly can't either.

(hint: It's the first song on the playlist, besides the theme song)

@Anonymous-Frog

Tankman Triweekly is owned by @Beggenrun

Issue 2: July 7th 2021: Caught Wind

Letter from the editor: @TheTankTribune is back. Our job here is done. It was a good run. We managed to get three full issues and a special out before the not-so-great one caught wind of our operation.

In case you don't know, the Tank Tribune is the self-proclaimed 'official newspaper of Newgrounds' and our number one competitor on this platorm in this field. It's not like they don't officially recognise us. They did a story on us for their 42nd issue. Time to throw in the towel. Goodbye.

TOP STORY: WHY 'SHERIFF BEAN' IS DESTINED TO FAIL

Image credit: ChutneyGlaze

Last week, @ChutneyGlaze and @chimp-shrimp launched a Kickstarter campaign to fund six short episodes of a show called Sheriff Bean, needing $77,777.77 to get funded. In just under a week out of its 30 day goal, it only managed to raise $1,695 from 12 backers, even though the announcement was frontpaged and won a Daily Feature.

Experts in mathematics have accurately predicted that Sheriff Bean will barely get over $10k, let alone the $77k goal.

We at Tankman Triweekly suspect three possible threories to why it's failing.

1: The Newgrounds community have already been drained of all their money from the Friday Night Funkin' 'Full-Ass Game' Kickstarter and can't afford to back another Newgrounds related campaign.

2: Most of the high-tier rewards involve being put on a wanted poster with a bounty on their head. Basically it's illegal to back this campaign. Also, someone's going to have to claim said bounty, and they usually don't bring them back alive. The $3,000 reward tier guarantees that. In that case, rest in peace backers.

3: A quick draw minigame was posted two days later in order to increase traffic. How it's supposed to work is that if you press SPACE to get a score between 1 and 6. If you lose the quick draw, you must visit the Kickstarter, even though people have already figured out that it's nothing more than a standard video and that you can shift frames (shift to frame 715 for the highest score of 6), and even if you lose, you can always not click the link. Also released was a minigame where you have to press keys in the correct order in order to hear an old bloke play a royalty-free song.

What? You're fightin' against the law. You're a filthy no-good cheatin' crook! If just BACKING the campaign makes you a wanted criminal, that means you're allowed to bend the rules a bit. 

Either way, it's not like it isn't possible to make the show without the campaign. If you backed the Kickstarter and get refunded because it fails, double it up over on Chutney's Patreon so there's a chance it will still be made.

ATTENTION ALL TANKMEN. THEY MAY BE A MAGICAL CAT UNDER YOUR TANK!

Captain's making an important announcement. He's announced that it is mandatory that you check underneath your tanks on a daily basis. When asked about why anyone would need to do this, he had this to say

"Word has gone around that a mythical cat with magical powers hiding under the tank. I don't know which tank, but we must grab this pussy before the enemy does. It'll give us the ultimate advantage. I'll promote whoever finds it to become second in command! That way we can both grab the pussy"

Steve, one of the tankmen trying to grab pussy, had reportedly checked over 8 tanks before his hands got dirty. He reportedly claimed 'it's not from the pussy'.

The search immediately ended when the cat magically teleported right in front of the Captain where he was then forced to step down.

RE: WHY CHOOSE NEWGROUNDS MUSICIANS FOR YOUR PROJECTS?

We don't usually get a lot of responses to the Tank Tribune, but it's always nice to check your inbox at least once in a while. This has been sitting in the company mailbox for at least three days.

Dear Mister Johnny Guy Sir

When I watched your panel at the Newgrounds Summer Festival last week and why you want me to use music from Newgrounds instead of the usual sources of royalty-free music such as NoCopyrightSounds, Epidemic Sound, and the YouTube audio library. I have no musical skills, nor do I have the money to pay someone to do that for me, so I have no choice but to use these songs. You got my hopes up that I can finally say 'fuck you' to these services and use Newgrounds music instead, but once I actually looked into it, I figured out that I'm not 100% impressed with the claims you made.

First, the only important point you did make was that the songs were 'unique', but you never got around to explaning anything else, and second, most of the time spent on your panel was just talking about your own music, although you did conveniently include a tutorial for how to use the songs.

One thing you didn't mention in your panel is how HARD it is to find the song you want to use. Let's say I want to find a nice upbeat acoustic song on here for me to use. I pick the category 'Southern Flavor - Country' and start searching. Except no, most of them don't even sound like what I'm lookin' for, and the ones that do, there's this 'Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project' bullshit.

I found this one song 'Don't Piss Off the Lord', which despite this 'please contact me' crap, sounded perfect for what I had planned for today, but when's that donkey gonna respond? I make short comedy live-action skits 'round my farm on YouTube and I only ever use Newgrounds every now and then to play the occasional Flash game or watch whatever LazyMuffin puts out next. I don't have time to wait around just for them to respond. And even if I did get permission, I can't download it from Newgrounds, I have to go to the guy's Bandcamp and buy it for a dollar, whatever that is. Not very good when compared to Kevin MacLeod who lets ya use his work for free, but I can accept one dollar.

Now let's grab myself a second song on here. Something a little more moody. I'm not going to search every single track again, takes way too long. If only there was a way to sort by mood, like what I can do with the YouTube audio library. Nope, I have to search them all manually.

It gets worse when I run into songs made before 2008 and aren't under a Creative Commons license. How am I supposed to contact the author if I'm not sure if they're still active, or worse, no longer use the platform, or ten times worse, they died and no one's managing the account.

After two days of searching the Newgrounds Audio Portal for music, I only ever found six tracks worth using and I will not cancel my Epidemic Sound subscription. Thanks a lot Newgrounds.

Your's sincerely

Cleetus McBill Sr.

FEATURED AUDIO

Today's featured audio comes from @BeepBoxClock. He's our newest musician of the day.

CALENDAR:

WHAT DO YOU NEED ME FOR? IT'S RIGHT THERE

ON THE TOP LEFT OF THE FRONT PAGE.

JUST GO THERE!

What was originally going to be the latest @BridgeofFaust piece was going to be here, if only we knew not repost his work. So here's BridgeofFaux instead.

Credit: BridgeofFaux

So far the only anti-piracy measure is that you can't click the links anymore.

Credit: The Pirate Bay

Tankman Triweekly is owned by @Beggenrun

S1: June 30th 2021: Interview with Ninjamuffin99's 100,000th Follower

Welcome back to Tankman Triweekly, We clean up the mess that @TheTankTribune leaves behind.

Exclusive Interview: Ninjamuffin99's 100,000th Follower

In case you don't know (which you probably do) Ninjamuffin is the fourth horseman behind the insanely popular Friday Night Funkin', alongside Evilsker, KawaiSprite, and PhantomArcade. All four of them are the most followed users on the entire platorm and their game is the most played of all time, behind porn. Yesterday, Ninjamuffin reached 100,000th followers and we at Tankman Triweekly are excited to be able to get hold of the 100,000th follower.

Ninjamuffin's 100,000th Follower

Interviewed by @Anonymous-Frog

Q: How did you first hear about Ninjamuffin or his work?

A: I first heard about him through Friday Night Funkin' like literally everyone else who joined this year. You might have also heard of him from his other 2020 submission Ritz, which got its own emote collection recently, or if you want to really go back, Whites Only. Really says a lot about the guy.

Q: Like he's a racist?

A: No, like how you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, except it's a game, and you're not supposed to judge it by its title.

Q: OK. Tell me more about yourself. What are some of your most favourite things on Newgrounds

A: I've been lurking around this place since January, brought on by the hype that FNF was bringing in. I didn't have an account back then, but I still ended up playing classics such as Dead Estate, Neon Rhythm, and Castle Crashing the Beard HD. Not all the stuff here was good. One game in particular was a very basic looking defense game called 'Epsteins Island Invasion'. What's next, Plants vs McAfee? I don't know how that guy managed to get over a thousand followers, he made bloody hundreds of that crap. You can't blam him, he'll just get another one past Judgement. Some of them even went into the 'Best New Games and Movies' section. I think there should be an award for how CRAP his work is.

Q: That already exists, it's called the Turd of the Week. It hasn't been used in years.

Sorry, gone off topic. How exactly did you become Ninjamuffin's 100,000th follower? Were you lucky, Or was there something you did?

A: I kept refreshing the guy's page until he was at 99,999 followers, and at that point I then followed him. I swear I was looking at that page for funkin' weeks on end, rising from 90,000 to 95,000, to 98,000 to 99,000 and so on. By the time he was at 99,998 followers, barely anyone was following him. I had to wait for the perfect moment to just snipe it at the last minute. As soon as the 99,999th follower followed, I had to be up against several other users who also wanted to be the 100,000th follower

Q: Very interesting. How can you prove that you were the 100,000th follower?

A: Since Ninjamuffin is insanely popular here on Newgrounds, there's going to be a lot of people following and unfollowing. As soon as the 100,000 milestone was achieved, lots of people were going to unfollow and refollow just to claim that spot. What I did was screencapture proof of being the 100,000th follower. Scratch that, I saved the page to the Wayback Machine. Now no one else can claim to be the 100,000th follower.

Q: That's all for this interview. Do you have one last thing to say?

A: Yes, stay online at all times and keep an eye out for any and all opportunities. Wait for artists to post their 4th art submission so you can scout them, Check Under Judgement for any game with leaderboards or medals. Just leaving a 5 star review saying 'FIRST!' is enough.

Thank you for your time.

Tankman Triweekly is owned by @Beggenrun

Issue 2: June 28th 2021: So Many Numbers

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR: Damn my feet have already gotten pretty sore this week, so I missed the Sunday deadline. It's about time I hired someone to do that for me. Perhaps LobsterMango would be a good fit.

TOP STORY: 69th Portal Submission Favourited 69 Times

Source: Ember: This is Not a Test

Today, a miracle was achieved. This is Not a Test, the Portal submission with an ID of 69, has been favourited 69 times.

The author @Ember had nothing to say about this milestone, on account of him being inactive for 19 years.

5 Things To Always Do With Newgrounds Tags

#5: See the score of your movie while it's still Under Judgement. Use a tag that's popular enough to be actually used, but obscure enough so you don't have to scroll too far. Sort by score and your movie will be on that list.

Keep refreshing until your movie eventually drops to the bottom and gets blammed.

#4: Tell the user to vote 5, typically in exchange for a reward, almost always NSFW, even if you don't have it.

#3: Spell out the entire alphabet one tag at a time. Once you're done, take the last letter and place it on your forehead.

#2: Actually use them as intended, which is boring and a waste of limited space. Don't do that!

#1: Create your own story separate from the one in the movie, because they're way more important than the movie itself.

SUCTION CUP MAN FIGHT ENDS IN STALEMATE

Last week, a fight to the death scheduled between Suction Cup Man and StrawberryClock had to be cancelled because no clear winner was decided.

The fight started when Suction Cup Man started climbing the tallest tower in Clocktopia, which happened to be where StrawberryClock was residing. After a heated argument with SBC, both of them started fighting. One passerby took notice and decided to round up the entire city so they can watch.

When interviewed during the fight, Suction Cup Man said 'You can't kill Suction Cup Man!'. Similarly, StrawberryClock was interviewed and he said 'You cannot kill StrawberryClock'.

Somehow none of them realized that they can't win a fight to the death when neither of them can die.

@MilesJohn: MS Paint animation that's actually good. You'll be up there in the hall of fame very soon.

@DaemonPlus: Not to be confused with Garcello

FEATURED AUDIO

None.

CALENDAR

July 30th: Demand for bikes should plummet at this point.

August 17th: Celebrating 69 days after Piconjo Day

Some people just have a better claim as King of the Portal than this guy. Sorry Doobus.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Pay no attention to the man pulling away the curtain. I got this.

Tankman Triweekly is owned by @Beggenrun

Issue 2: June 20th 2021: Sunday Spam

TOP STORY: TANKMAN TRIWEEKLY FINALLY ABLE TO MEET SUNDAY DEADLINE. THEIR SECRET WILL SHOCK YOU.

Y'all heard the story of when the editor of the Tank Tribune got carpal tunnel and had to slow down on writing new issues. We at Tankman Triweekly have found a solution that doesn't require us to push the deadline to Monday.

We write with our feet.

Yes, we have keyboards on the floor that allows our editors to type with our feet. Sure it's very messy and leaves it smelling like onions, but it allows us to type hands-free with oonly twuce as many spelling erorrs.

OLD BBS THREADS BUMPED ONLY FOUR TIMES THIS MONTH

The month of June has brought on a whole new generation of troublemakers, some of them trying to finish what some now inactive chump started. Even though these threads haven't been touched in over a decade, this hasn't stopped these four buggers from trying to bring them back from the dead.

The practice is called necrobumping. We are not making this up.

https://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1030112/4 February 20th 2009. Even though the Simpsons are still going on, ideas for this specific premise surely have dried up by this point. Bumped by @FireTower

https://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/360167/2 October 13th 2005. Newgrounds Rumble programmer @NegativeONE's website no longer exists, but that hasn't stopped @AcidWolf33 from pointing that out 16 years later

https://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/237811 March 1st 2005. Yes Newgrounds still exists. Bumped by @MacromediaGuy, concerned about who'll take over Newgrounds when Tom Fulp dies.

https://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/202950 December 4th 2004 Not even P-Bot is safe from getting bumped 16 years in the making. Bumped by @Piconjo out of all people

PETER PEECHA FINALLY MAKES IT ONTO TIERLIST

Credit: Jack7m (Discord)

INTERVIEW WITH BUTTCHAMBER

Today we have a special interview with teh one and only @ButtChamber. ButtChamber first appeared in Newgrounds Rumble, having been mistaken for Piconjo by MindChamber (it's not like he looks anything like Piconjo to begin with), but has since gone on to have his own standalone career, in part due to the real Piconjo returning.

Interview No. 1

Interview by: @Anonymous-Frog (the same person who writes the paper)

Q: Where did you come from?

A: PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!

Q: How does it feel to be in Newgrounds Rumble? You must be one of them big boys?

A: PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!

Q: Are you a virgin?

A: PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!

Q: Can you reply with anything other than fart noises?

A: PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!

Q: I'm being f**kin' serious with you! Stop it!

A: OK fine, they're turning brown anyways

Q: Thank you. How does it feel to be in Newgrounds Rumble?

A: It felt great playing the part of Piconjo for that game. Fun to be in teh show business for once. Apparently they couldn't find the real Piconjo, so they were looking for anyone who looked like him. I look bugger all like that son of a bitch, but that Mindchamber fellow was that desperate, so I took the role and went along with it. Though to be fair that sword was HEAVY!

Q: Why haven't you done anything else in the past 

A: As soon as I finished my role, Mindchamber saw no more use in me, so he ripped my p3n0r off and I died from teh bleeding. It was at that point where I was placed in teh prison for dead people. Thankfully my cellmate was someone who knew Piconjo and he was able to help me escape. It was at that point where I realized that teh Piconjo himself had also come back from teh dead.

Q: Why didn't you contact the Interviewer? Why me?

A: I tr3id 2 sc00r an interview with teh Interviewer, but his wrist was injured, so he turned me down. It apparently also happened with teh tank tribute editor. Journalism must r33ly hurt a l0t!

Q: Your art looks similar to mine. Explain yourself?

A: All I have is a rubbish laptop with MS Paint installed. j00 use MS Paint right? teh art would obviously look similar.

Q: Are you a virgin?

A: PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!

@stevetherapper: Calls himself a rapper, yet his only audio submission is a voice demo.

@olskoo: The Newgrounds equivalent to YouTube's MrBeast.

FEATURED AUDIO

Same Shit From The Previous Paper With No Changes At All

Theme song? For news? You must be out of your mind!

Music:

@OrangeClock @M4Music @Juiceboi-PRO @land0lakes and @EruptionMusic

CALENDAR

June 26th: Where I'm from, it's called the NG Winter Festival. 11PM on Saturday June 26th will feature a panel on Pwnism, which was officially recognized by the Catholic Church on the 9th.

July: Nothing special right now

August 15th: The biggest Clock Day in history.

EVERYONE IS HERE!!

Maybe foot-drawn comic strips are not such a good idea.

Tankman Triweekly is owned by @Beggenrun