Issue 2: June 28th 2021: So Many Numbers

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR: Damn my feet have already gotten pretty sore this week, so I missed the Sunday deadline. It's about time I hired someone to do that for me. Perhaps LobsterMango would be a good fit.

TOP STORY: 69th Portal Submission Favourited 69 Times

Source: Ember: This is Not a Test

Today, a miracle was achieved. This is Not a Test, the Portal submission with an ID of 69, has been favourited 69 times.

The author @Ember had nothing to say about this milestone, on account of him being inactive for 19 years.

5 Things To Always Do With Newgrounds Tags

#5: See the score of your movie while it's still Under Judgement. Use a tag that's popular enough to be actually used, but obscure enough so you don't have to scroll too far. Sort by score and your movie will be on that list.

Keep refreshing until your movie eventually drops to the bottom and gets blammed.

#4: Tell the user to vote 5, typically in exchange for a reward, almost always NSFW, even if you don't have it.

#3: Spell out the entire alphabet one tag at a time. Once you're done, take the last letter and place it on your forehead.

#2: Actually use them as intended, which is boring and a waste of limited space. Don't do that!

#1: Create your own story separate from the one in the movie, because they're way more important than the movie itself.

SUCTION CUP MAN FIGHT ENDS IN STALEMATE

Last week, a fight to the death scheduled between Suction Cup Man and StrawberryClock had to be cancelled because no clear winner was decided.

The fight started when Suction Cup Man started climbing the tallest tower in Clocktopia, which happened to be where StrawberryClock was residing. After a heated argument with SBC, both of them started fighting. One passerby took notice and decided to round up the entire city so they can watch.

When interviewed during the fight, Suction Cup Man said 'You can't kill Suction Cup Man!'. Similarly, StrawberryClock was interviewed and he said 'You cannot kill StrawberryClock'.

Somehow none of them realized that they can't win a fight to the death when neither of them can die.

@MilesJohn: MS Paint animation that's actually good. You'll be up there in the hall of fame very soon.

@DaemonPlus: Not to be confused with Garcello

FEATURED AUDIO

None.

CALENDAR

July 30th: Demand for bikes should plummet at this point.

August 17th: Celebrating 69 days after Piconjo Day

Some people just have a better claim as King of the Portal than this guy. Sorry Doobus.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Pay no attention to the man pulling away the curtain. I got this.

Tankman Triweekly is owned by @Beggenrun